The Re-UP: Jason Collins and his Family’s overwhelming support…REALLY?!

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Black Family, Black Gay Males, Boston Celtics, GLBTQ, Jason Collins, NBA, Oprah, Oprah's Next Chapter, Stanford University

Ok…the majority of the so-called Black/African American community does not support homosexuality: especially as it relates to Black Men.  There have been families who have been well aware of that relative we all “knew” was gay, but never acknowledged.  It was the family secret buried deeper than why that uncle/aunt lives in that back room; no one goes there unless they have to.  So as I watched Jason Collins and his family on Oprah’s Next Chapter on the OWN Network, I was really wondering whether or not this family was just that supportive…or wanted to present as such.  Huxtable/Cosby Syndrome at its best.

In my humble critique, I saw a family who decided to “play nice” and show the world that Black people (families in particular) are open-minded and accepting.  Interestingly, I noticed his twin brother Jarron  expressing some low-grade anger and frustration at his brother’s announcement on a greater level.  Yet, that was restrained.   Dad smiled and offered the textbook “we support you”, while Mom dutifully smiled by.  Yet his Aunt, the judge said she already knew. Which begs the question, how did everyone else…miss?!

Could it have been the denial that many so-called Black/African American families engage in when “normal” fails to show up (i.e. mental illness, sexual abuse, etc.)?  Or maybe it was their Christian beliefs that dictated homosexuality is unacceptable, and decided to regard their son’s behavior as a “phase.”  Then again, his family could have refused to allow their Huxtablesque/Cosby utopia to be interrupted by the issue of their Stanford educated professional athlete’s sexual orientation brimming in the balance.  Maybe, just maybe, they were comfortable with Jason’s relationship and engagement with a woman with the hopes “it” would go away.

Whatever it is they maintained a united front on television last evening.  Besides, their friends, family and social set was watching.  Yet behind closed doors, I envision an angst that is less concerned with Jason’s coming out to the world, and more upset that their ability to remain under the radar as that Model Black Family has been compromised.

Essentially for the Collins’s, Jason altered the course of their perfect Black family for the world to see; their fears personified – “we’ve become a statistic!”

…damn

DMX: The heart of a wounded soul

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addiction, DMX, Earl Simmons, Fix My Life, Iyanla, Oprah, OWN Network, rappers

The second season of Iyanla Vanzant’s show “Iyanla, Fix My Life” featured rapper DMX (a.k.a. Earl Simmons).  One of the best in the game, his admitted drug abuse has sent him down a trail of arrest and misfortune.  Very candid about the pain, he is comfortable staying close to it.  In fact, he was more than real with the fact that his drug use will continue, regardless of what family and friends say; or do.  So in a nutshell, why are we tripping?

I don’t say that to minimize his pain.  I don’t say that to disregard the ravages of addiction.  I say that because contrary to our belief, he made it clear, “This is who I am; now leave me the ____ alone!!”  Yes it sounds irrational.  Yes it sounds crazy.  Yes he jeopardizing his life.  But, it’s as he says…his life.

So with that, pray.  Pray that his soul will be healed from childhood pain.  Pray that his wounds will be healed from constant reopening: be it from concerned persons who lack the realization that their efforts are enabling – to those who are becoming increasingly codependent on his behalf.  Rest assure, an outcome will be revealed; good or bad – it is all his.

Be well my brother…be well.

Usher: looking for Mom in all the wrong places: the problem with single moms and sons

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African American men, Black single mothers, Chilli, entertainment, James DeBarge, Janet Jackson, Joe Jackson, Mom, Oprah, Oprah's Next Chapter, relationships, single mothers, Tameka Foster, Usher

Oprah’s interview with Usher, and eventually his Mother discussed the ultimatum her husband (Usher’s stepfather) gave her: choose him or Usher, and his career.  She quickly left her marriage and moved forward, making certain her son was priority.  Question: “Why bother getting married if your son gets more husband status than your husband?”  Ok, maybe I sound totally off base – GREAT!!  Engage me.

I’ve seen way too many mothers raising their sons without father’s (talking about males who have completely and voluntarily abandoned their sons).  I’ve also seen mothers block their son’s father, and his input and/or guidance; as a woman cannot raise a man.   These type of mothers treat their sons dang near like boyfriends.  Once these young men become teenagers and are more self-sufficient, pulling away, some mothers tend to get in their business to the point of acting like a jealous girlfriend.  Personally, I think this is what is guiding Usher’s fidelity issues.

You see, Usher loves older women.  There, I said it!  He is a bona fide cougar-hunter.  Chilli. Tameka Foster.  Significantly older than he.  Nothing wrong with that – but for one little concern.  I believe he’s looking for his mother in these women.  Really?!  Yep. For one his Mom held the strings too tight.  Being a “mom-manager” has been both helpful and hurtful.  Yet, at the point he became a grown azz man, she panicked, got on his nerves, and he subsequently let her go.  It caused a riff.  He married Tameka Foster  to get away from Mom (a la Janet Jackson, Joe Jackson, and James DeBarge).  Though he has two beautiful sons from the marriage, his quest to find a woman like mom continues to plague his growth; which stands as a strong message for women raising sons without fathers who “voluntarily” exit stage left:

LET YOUR SONS GROW UP!  FALL BACK ENOUGH FOR THEM TO DO SO!!  and…IF HIS FATHER IS AND/OR HAS BEEN AVAILABLE BUT YOU’RE HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE BECAUSE HE WON’T BE WITH YOU…GROW UP!!  

Until then, Usher will continue to have sexual fidelity issues in relationships.  And so will your sons…