42% of professional Black women have never married…58% have/are.
Watching BET’s “Being Mary Jane” starring Gabrielle Union seemed stereotypical enough – successful Black woman has the financial wherewithal to support her seemingly dysfunctional family. Truthfully, too many so-called Black/African American professional women believe if their wealth does not support family who do not walk in the same success pattern she will be seen as forgetting where she comes from. Moreover, she will be damned to hell and placed in a category of bourgeois (colloquially known as “boozhee”); this has become an excuse that some Black men use to decide she is “unattainable”; thus, she won’t mind if I drive by and get some because “she’s strong, she can handle it” (i.e. she’ll eventually get bored with me because I’m not and/or I am balling just like her). In other words, she’s damned if she do and damned if she don’t. Yet, all of this…is by choice.
Each one of us is responsible for our own lot. Am I suggesting the ole “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” philosophy? No. I am suggesting that if you see that relative grinding in their respective vocation…follow suit. I don’t care if you go to college and obtain a degree or have a GED, become a cosmetologist, and open up a number of salons and a school: DO YOU! That means sacrifice: being up earlier and staying up later. Reading what may be considered boring as hell; reading what you love. Networking with people who may not look like you or come from your experience; to edifying those who are best associated with your life. Regardless of who gets it or not, go for yours: a choice.
Common sense: A man will do what you allow him to do. Period – choice.
In essence, I empathize with Mary Jane; but I don’t feel sorry for her. Nope. She and other “Mary Janes'” of the world have got to, for lack of terminology…GET A GRIP! Your families will NOT fall apart if forced to get it together. Your friends will get over it (and eventually you) if forced to move forward past their bull-ish. The Black man of your love and liking will respect you if forced to understand that you uphold standards; rich or poor – balling or scraping.
Yes, Mary Jane – you may not be responsible for making certain your entire family is alright; but you’re damn sure responsible for taking care of you; first