Alright Sisters! Bring it on! Go ‘head, get it out of your system regarding how out of touch I am when stating I want and need a man in my life; that he’ll only hurt me and use me to promote his macho-sexual-domineering attitude toward me. Please be advised, however, that (Black) men are part of the reason you exist. There is a balance and I am interested in being secured that way. Does this mean I am blindly giving up my rights? No. But it does not mean I will be more of a person without a man. Essentially some of the male-bashing factions of so-called Black feminism are suffering from something deeper: none of which was caused by (Black) men; all of which was fueled by (Black) women. A few examples with my take:
- “You don’t need a man to do anything for you!!” I need one to change this light bulb I cannot reach (I’m kinda height challenged, LOL), and almost busted my butt trying to fix it. Did I mention I strained my back years ago putting an entertainment center together?
- “What do you need a man for; he’ll only take from you!!” With this attitude the only thing a man will do is “take off”! If you are that strong and confident, he will respect you to the utmost.
- “Marriage, for what?!” Two is always better than one…and by the way, you attract who you are (Dad, 1930-1990).
- “Are you hyphenating your last name? Why are you taking on his last name? You are you’re own person!” My last name is loooooong, and aligning it with my future husband is not a source of ownership (spare me the history lesson, I am well aware of my anglo-ization, chattel and slavery).
- (Black) Men are wonderful human beings; when treated respectfully.
- (Black) Men are not the enemy; ever thought that maybe your enigmatic energy is being reflected back to you?
- (Black) Men love (Black) Women; period.
So call me what you will; a wonderfully happy Black Woman who is looking forward to marrying a loving Black Man, and would love to be a partner together with him (and oh yeah he can be in charge “wooooooo”). I have cooked for a Black Man (who loved my cooking) and did not see that as an invitation to sex (right then and there). I get dressed up and look good when I know I’m going around fine, intelligent, strong, loving Black Men; I loooove hearing I am a beautiful; not because I need validation – because it feels DIVINE!!
I FLIRT!! Being flirtatious does not make me a whore/ho; it makes me confident in my femininity. A Black Man is allowed and encouraged to be chivalrous; and I enjoy having my door opened and my chair pulled out; or when he walked closest to the street as to protect me, stood up for me when disrespected, and given me GREAT BIG BEAR HUGS (Miss you, Dad!).
You are entitled to your Black feminist mantra; I respect that. But there’s something about being so engrained in a mentality that forces you to deny a necessary part of your existence in this world that honestly…scares me.
A Strong Educated Beautiful Intelligent Loving Black Woman who absolutely wants and needs a Black Man in her life (once again…Thanks, Dad!)