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I think back to how my father would have looked at me sideways if I ever decided to bring a man home who clearly has never had a viable work life; nor intended to have one as long as “I” could support him financially.  My father’s first and only question, “That boy ain’t got no job?!” This was code word for “Don’t bring that _______ back in this house!”  Basically, the so-called Real Housewives of Atlanta has perpetuated the “sugar mama” stereotype as the safe way to have a man and a big life; even if he does absolutely nothing to contribute to it.  


Black Men prided themselves on being able to support their family.   If a man found out one of their own was living off of a woman, he was clowned, considered a joke: NOT TO BE RESPECTED! Having a job and working was taught and modeled as the way to prove one’s manhood.  If he was laid off, he quickly found another hustle until he was called back to work. By no means would he allow a woman to be the primary breadwinner of the house; and be cool with it.

Recently Phaedra Parks’ husband Apollo Nida was arrested for bank fraud and identity theft. NeNe Leakes husband appears to be chillin’ (or may be “retired” – from what, still unsure).  Kandi Burruss, while her fiance does have a career he seems to be cool with his “sugar mama” holding down the fort and keeping his money (Bruh, you could have paid the light bill at the “Kandi Factory” studio). Cynthia Bailey in her most passive aggressive stance intimated to her husband Peter that she followed him to Atlanta and his promises of money galore were essentially a lie to gain access to her treasury (which I believe he blew through once before). While the ever oblivious Portia Williams, ex-wife of ex-NFL player Kordell Stewart was a former trophy wife for hire at least she had the gumption to marry a man who was retired and had a working life.  However Portia has yet to grasp that the most reliable way to support oneself is to….WORK!!  Ahhh, and then there’s Kenya Moore’s Nigerian oil tycoon prince. I’ll give her this: When a man is truly on his grind…you rarely see him; I’m just saying.

I’ve said all this to say that the emasculation of black males on this show may not be the typical portrayal of the “neck rolling” “eye rolling” “loud talking I can do bad all by myself” genre of black females that has been stereotyped ad nauseum.  RHOA has become a tad bit more sophisticated in its approach – which is why the appeal is so intoxicating to black females.  Here again is the misguided notion and message that black males ain’t ish; and once again black females are aiding and abetting in the name of money and “power” – lacking the full realization that the men pulling the strings got you right where they want you; again.

If only they knew Sister Harriet Tubman…if only they knew.